Sojourning the Earth. Settling for Eternity.

God is with us. stop for a second and let that sink in deeply within all of you..

Restore in me the joy of your salvation Against you, and you alone, have I sinned. Yet I thank you Abba Father that by the blood of your son, Jesus Christ, you have restored me and made me whole. I remember your promises and your everlasting love - and I hold onto them throughout my life. As far from the east is from the west, that's how far You have removed my transgressions from me. May you protect me from the lies of the enemy and the regrets of the past. Instead, I continually declare myself as your child in your family. I thank you that you embraced me, no matter how messed up I think I am. You have declared me as righteous. You have declared me as a new creation. I am yours and You are mine. Jesus, I love you. Daddy, I love you. Holy Spirit, I love you.

I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed lately. Its been challenging trying to find my way in Ontario. Looking for a fellowship, figuring out what I'm doing in this job (and what my supervisor expects of me), and what I will be doing when I return in January. Its nice to have a weekend to catch up with friends from here and from Vancouver. Close friends that I have just met within the past year and ones that have journeyed through my undergrad years. This weekend is sort of like a break for me I suppose. Thank God for relationships; we are not meant to live this life by ourselves.

With the massive layoffs that our company is doing, I was pretty surprised that my teammates were so chill. That's good I guess, that people are focused on their projects. Or maybe that's because they don't want to think about it... In any case, I turned on my computer on Monday and as I tried to log in, a very surprising message box appeared... "Your account is expired." That was pretty nerve wracking. I tried restarting and logging in again. Nothing. Restart and then... Nope, nothing. At this point, my mind is already thinking about the possibility that I was laid off. I told my supervisor about it and he referred me to our executive assistant. My heart was pounding so fast. All I can do is just pray. I know its counterintuitive but I forced myself to continue to give thanks. Something that my mom encouraged me to do when I feel troubled and I thanked her for that. I was thankful that our Father has given me this job. The chance to come back to Waterloo to conti...

You know what I find really cool? When a body of believers prays. It doesn't matter where you are in this world or whether your prayer is being communicated through words or email or even Skype, prayer endures and it never gets old! I feel indebted to all of you who are praying over me and who have encouraged me with regards to my BlackBerry job and finding a fellowship here in Ontario. Its been tough, for sure. But I am stepping out into each day with the grace of God. By His grace, He has blessed me with this position. And by His grace, He will carry me through. In any circumstance, I want to continue to live a life of worship and love. God bless y'all!

Life is definitely full of surprises. I never thought that I would be back but I was wrong. This season feels quite different than last summer. But I can't really identify one thing that makes it so different. Perhaps its not just a single factor. There could be multiple things. Spiritually. Social circles. Career. They are all different. All these rapid changes can definitely leave me confused and uncertain. But I need to focus. I know what I have to lay hold of and I know where to find my rest. "In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge." - Proverbs 14:26

The word growth is generally associated with a positive thing. But what if you don't feel like you have grown at all. I know I have felt that way several times this summer. There are definitely lots of things that I am learning about myself. Even though I can feel confident about my own identity, I realize that the last item in my things-yet-to-be-discovered-about-myself list is nowhere in sight, and it will probably stay that way for an indefinite amount of time. Although I don't feel that I have grown, I know that my life is not idle. Things in my life keep on coming in and out. Whether its friends, family, or events, they are all constantly on the move. And speaking of moving, I will also be relocating myself back to Ontario in a few days. I was digging through my previous blog posts to try to see what were some of my goals that I've set before I moved to Ontario last summer. The biggest goal back then was my recommitment to God and getting to know Him better through H...

I want to blog this before I forget. So often I find myself wanting to belong to a certain social group. It can be a circle of friends, a church group, or a workplace. There is a multitude of things that accompany this feeling. The sense of identity and comfort are amongst them. But as I reflect on these things and measure them against what Jesus has taught me, I began to see a striking difference. Jesus said that in order to follow Him, we must deny everything in our lives - even our very own selves. When God has welcomed us into His family, we don't really need to supply ourselves with extra stuff. He welcomed us, just as we are - especially when we are broken and desperate to find meaning in our lives. This is not new to me, but its always refreshing when it is revealed to me in a new light. Here's an analogy: during the weekend, I was spending some time at home with my parents. Unfortunately, I got sick over the weekend but I have to go back to my 'rental' pla...

are always bittersweet - at least for me. Its really cool to see how God put certain people in your life; you get to learn from them and they get to learn from you. Relationships, accountabilities, challenges... we encounter these things as we build trust and friendships with people in our lives. People will come and go in our lives, and over these past years I have learned (and I'm still learning) to cherish every moment that I spent with my friends and family. But as I grew older, my interest and my path began to change. Circumstances and life happen, and that might result in farewells and goodbyes. But whatever happens, I am really excited for both you and me. God has something greater in store for us. Although that includes finding a new circle of friends/ family, the enjoyment of God overcomes everything else. And I rejoice to see how you've grown in His love and how He has helped me to grow as well. Though goodbyes are difficult, the excitement to see what God has done,...

working and having fun? Wow, summer is almost done. Life just keeps moving on and on and on... But praise God! I finished my practicum with the Core yesterday. It has been such an amazing experience. Being able to work on a topic that I find fascinating, while also learning and acquiring many new skills, has been such a blessing. This past two weeks have been amazing as well, since I got the spend time with my cousins and aunt who were visiting VanCity. We did so many things. Got to show them some stuff in VanCity that they've never seen before: Grouse Grind, Diez Vistas, hipster-ville (the Drive and Main), Coal Harbour, free Swing/Samba dancing, and much more. Needless to say, it has been a good summer. Though I sometimes feel like I need a vacation, I'm surprised that I was able to handle both work and "part-time vacation" this summer. Thanks be to God. Hanging out with family is fun but as I grew older, I began to see that no family (including mine) is perfect. T...

Something I read at Relevant magazine. You might have read it before or heard about it - but its always a good to read over it again. http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/what-remember-when-god-silent

Wow, God answered my prayer just within 24 hours of my last blog. Praise Him! I can't wait to return to Waterloo to do another co-op there haha! It's truly remarkable what God can do when you completely throw yourself at his feet - realizing that there's absolutely nothing else but Him that you need in this life. Thanks, God, for the reminder.

The more I get to know God, The more I realize how messed up I am, The more I need God's grace, The more I want to know God, The more I get to know God... On a side note, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm just encountering closed doors, one after another. TBH, I'm starting to really feel tired. Help me, Lord.

I never thought that I would like Macklemore, but this particular song really stood out to me. It speaks about his struggle with substance abuse and the regrets that he had to endure with when he relapsed.  For some reason, I can relate to that. I (we) struggle with sin and sometimes it seems helpless. But thanks to God's grace and love, we persevere. I love the line at the end of the song: "If I can be an example of getting sober... then I can be an example of starting over." For me, if I can be an example of leaving my life of sin ... then when I do fall I can be an example of starting over b/c my motivation lies in my love for Jesus Christ. Its true that we will be tempted and at times we fall (since the battle with sin is ongoing). But its never too late to start over because of the love that Jesus poured out on us at the cross. He didn't die because we asked Him to save us or because we deserve it. No way! Because of our sin, we deserve death as penalty. Yet it ...

Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made, Were every stalk on earth a quill, And every man a scribe by trade; To write the love of God above Would drain the ocean dry; Nor could the scroll contain the whole, Though stretched from sky to sky. Refrain: Oh, love of God, how rich and pure! How measureless and strong! It shall forevermore endure— The saints’ and angels’ song. One of my favourite hymns of all time, especially with the verse above. Its crazy to realize how measureless and boundless God's love for us is. Yet here I am, often finding myself second guessing if God is present in my life. The fact is that we are broken beings who can't even fathom God's life for us. We need him in every hour of our lives. 

It can get scary especially with how uncertain the future can be. My top of the list prayer topic right now is for more faith - knowing that God holds my life together (career-wise, church-wise, and so on).

I had to face one of my biggest fears yesterday. It consists of venturing into a new Church. I consider it a pretty big transition for myself to move from being involved in a campus ministry, where most of the people falls within my age range or considered themselves as students, into a new church where those things don't really matter. I find that I always try to avoid being the awkward one especially in a new setting yet, more often than not, that is not the case.  To be honest, its really refreshing when God reminds you what your real  purpose is in this life. Whether its in a familiar environment or in a new church, He asked me the following question: What is your purpose here?  Does it consists of gaining some kind of self-relief from people's acceptance or tolerance? Or is this just another "church-shopping" phase/experience/whatever-you-call-it-thing? I thank Him for that. As Christians, we are called to be living in a body of believers but let's remembe...

God does not keep a man immune from trouble; He says - "I will be with him in trouble". It does not matter what actual troubles in the most extreme form get hold of a man's life, not one of them can separate him from his relationship to God. We are "more than conquerors in all these things". Paul is not talking of imaginary things, but of things that are desperately actual; and he says we are super-victors in the midst of them, not by our ingenuity, or by our courage, or by anything other than the fact that not one of them affects our relationship to God in Jesus Christ. Rightly or wrongly, we are where we are, exactly in the condition we are in. I am sorry for the Christian who has not something in his circumstances he wishes was not there. "Shall tribulation...?" Let tribulation be what it may - exhausting, galling, it is not able to separate us from the love of God. Never let cares or tribulations separate you rom the fact that God loves you. ...

From "My Utmost for His Highest" - Oswald Chambers What does it matter if external circumstances are hard? Why should they not be! If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we banish God's riches from our own lives and hinder others from entering into His provision. No sin is worse than the sin of self-pity, because it obliterates God and puts self-interest upon the throne... When God is beginning to be satisfied with us He will impoverish   everything  in the nature of fictitious wealth , until we learn that all our fresh springs are in Him . If the majesty and grace and power of God are not being manifested in us, God holds us responsible. "God is able to make all grace abound"; then learn to lavish the grace of God on others. Be stamped  with God's nature , and His blessing will come through you all the time .

I will waste my life  I'll be tested and tried With no regrets inside of me  to find I'm at Your feet I'll leave my father's house  and I'll leave my mother I'll leave all I have known  and I'll have no other I am in love with You  There is no cost I am in love with You  There is no loss I am in love with You  I want to take Your name I am in love with You  I want to cling to You Jesus Just let me cling to You Jesus I'll say goodbye to my father my mother I'll turn my back on every other lover and I'll press on yes I'll press on Blog: Whatever happens, I am in love with you, Jesus. Just to be with you, that's all that matters. I lift up and surrender my life to you, Jesus.

My cousin posted this verse on her facebook status, "This a trustworthy saying: if we die with him, we will also live with him". It made me re-speculate on my own life right now, especially with tragedies that happen over these past couple days. What am I living for? I would say that my biggest desire right now is to travel abroad.  But is it really what I'm aiming for? Money, career, relationship, family... sure they're all great but God reminded me something important: That I am but a mere sojourner in this world (deja vu... the title of this blog), waiting on settling eternally with Him when this world has passed. I realized that I'm very ungrateful. Here I am, being selfish and complaining of "boredom" that there's nothing to do (now that finals/ UCM/ G-House are done) when in fact it really is a gift from my Abba, just to wake up in the morning to another glorious day. I realized that He is waiting for me to join Him in doing his work, yet I a...

Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.    -Job 1:21 Please please please be in constant prayer for the Crossley family in this season of loss and tragedy. I thank you that Daniel is with you, Jesus, enjoying your presence and love for eternity. http://www.nelsonstar.com/news/205721441.html

Today, I left a place that I've considered as my home for a sum of 32 months. Farewell G-House. It has been a journey. There have been countless memories that I've associated with this house. Community meals, solid brothers and sisters, post-TNT hangouts (that's right I'm going to continue to call it "TNT"), prayer times, impromptu worship, movie nights, poker nights, board game nights, hide-and-seek in the dark, man night, slumber parties, and many many more. God has blessed me with this house and despite the fact that its falling apart (floods, G-House rats, Pepe le Skunk, ants), God made the G-House to stand in a way that lasted till the end of my contract - Praise Him haha! Thank you, Abba Father. Thank you that in these past four years, I have made some solid relationships which include both sisters and brothers in Christ who have mentored me and encouraged my walk with You. Thank you that you have taught me what it means to be involved in a body of Chr...

I came upon this entry from my own personal journal and I want to share it here. This entry was written in the midst of my finals and after hearing my roommate sings one of United Pursuit Band's song, "Climb", I started to ask myself what one of the line of the song meant. - "I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open" -  It didn't really make sense to me, what that line meant - how can you climb a mountain with open hands. That's impossible, you need all four limbs to climb a steep, rocky mountain. As I ruminate on this line, God revealed the following: I saw myself climbing a mountain. It was steep, dark, and filled with jagged rocks. But I kept on going. The only way that I am able to continually fixate my eyes to the top and not look down is the assurance that something greater than I is holding out his hands, one by one, to support my steps. This assurance gives me confidence and peace, and I know that I can lift up my hands to wo...

Thank you, Abba father, for helping me finish my last undergraduate final exam. Its been an amazing journey - these past five years. I can't wait for what You will reveal to me in the future!

Let's do this together, God. In the past, I often dread this season but now I realized that its really all about this: It's a time for God to show His power, wonders, and might - over and over and over.... That's why I'm stoked! Plus, it's my last undergraduate final exams - so let's do this together, God!

He hath made every  thing  beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

and I will never let you go. These are the words that my Jesus told me. Thank you for the cross, Lord. Thank you for your nail-pierced hands. Thank you for bearing all my sins and shame, And through your death, you declared me as holy and blameless in your sight. I love you too, Jesus, and I don't want to let you go.

Tonight is the last night that I led (and participate) in Core, our small groups at UCM. I've known been with some of these guys for as long as four years, and it's cool to see how much they've grown. Thank you, Jesus, for leading and placing me with these guys. I've definitely grown so much with them as well. It'll be cool to see where God leads each of us and how our future unfolds.

and miss Indonesia in a way... http://travel.cnn.com/explorations/eat/40-foods-indonesians-cant-live-without-327106

I'm going to copy my friend, RB, and do a post/rant about finishing my last midterm of my undergraduate career (woot). Thank you, God, for all these years and how you've provided for me. When I looked back at all my midterms, I see such a wide range of topics: From computer algorithms to behavioral neuroscience, From statistical methods to philosophy of mind, From linguistics to sociocultural psychology... Man... He provides and He does it well. Cool beans, God, let's tackle the next thing on our list: finals :D

God is definitely at work. How do I know this? For one thing, I begin to re-evaluate my life and question what does it mean to be a "Christian"? How do I define myself as a Christian? This can be such a daunting question. Last year, my primary prayer request to God was to teach me how to fall in love with Him all over again. As I prayed, God just pressed so many different things in my life that I tend to ignore. Things such as: Where do I draw my strength from? Do I base my life on the approval of others? In these past weeks, it has been so hard for me to live my life. I can attribute so many reasons to this ("senioritis", seasonal affective disorder, etc) but it ultimately draws me back to the very question that God asked me in the first place - what is my identity? It is so easy for me to live this "Christian" life and start to evaluate others by my own standards/ expectations. As I was preparing to lead my small bible study group, God definitely aff...

is that you can't give hugs to the people you love and care D:

Ever get that feeling when you just feel like something (or someone) keeps nudging you in the inside. Well, that's definitely what I felt two weeks ago. I've never been good at sharing why I believe what I believed. Why do I believe in such a Holy and loving God. What Jesus meant to me. Why should people believe in him etc... My Christian community (UCM) organized a week called Random Acts of Kindness week (RAK). Basically, its a chance for to show our classmates and professors (ie. people on campus) the grace and love that Christ has given so freely on us. We did things such as handing out cookies, washing people's cars, etc. Needless to say, I was terrified. I felt that nudge over and over to do the umbrella walk. Which entails the following: -walking someone to their class when it rains But I felt that I wanted to do more than just that, I want to share with them what I believed. There's a constant battle between God's nudge and my fear, but I stick it ...

Praise the Lord! I have found a placement for my summer practicum. I will be working at a psychology lab on campus. So what does that mean? Spending my summer in Vancouver!

that I go through seasons in life. With each season, there are different goals and life lessons that I believe that God has set for me. Different people constantly come and go. Whether they are close or not, God used them in one way or another to fall in love deeper with Him. But I do have to testify that I did not realize this sooner. Its so easy to get caught up in the busyness and demands of life. Its so easy to get distracted with the drama that comes with life. Instead of focusing on my own deprived needs for God, I began to look for flaws in others to feel superior. Instead of turning to the words of God for sound wisdom and comfort, I seek the counsel and self-pity from other people. I began to understand more and more of what it means to deny myself everyday. My strengths, circumstances, and surroundings are incomparable with knowing and having a relationship with my Heavenly Father. My own personal bubble and my successes are but gifts  that God has cherished on me so ab...